soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
