My liver just broke up with me...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
