I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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