she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
