i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
