apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
