I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
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I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
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I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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