so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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