Christians are straight up FREAKS
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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