i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize