If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
