Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
