I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
