There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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