she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
