wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My bed smells like the plague
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
