someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
