The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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