Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
