I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize