ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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