the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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