I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
