Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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