You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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