I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
