I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
