Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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