then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
True strength comes from lack of pants
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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