I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
