Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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