who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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