He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
