Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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