Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
