my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
