I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
