so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
