sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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