took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
