My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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