I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
