You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
