I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
