Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
