seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
