This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize