Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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