i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
