I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
