Is it because I queefed?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
