I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
