Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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