hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
