I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
