I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
sex in a hospital.. check
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
