well you can't waste a boner
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
