when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize