I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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