Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
